If Dr Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

by Dave Fuller

 

Picard:

Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:

Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard:

LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:

But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:

Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:

But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!

Picard:

But surely we must not be late!

Troi:

I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer:

Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard:

The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?

Riker:

Not me.

Worf:

Not me.

Picard:

Computer, how long til we die?

Computer:

Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:

May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi:

Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:

Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:

We still must save the Indran planet --

Data:

Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard:

Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:

There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.

Riker:

We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:

We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf:

Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.

Troi:

Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:

Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard:

Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher:

They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

   *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
   HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf:

The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard:

Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?

Worf:

I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker:

My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher:

Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:

LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi:

Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:

Then make it so!