18 Things That Inevitably Happen When You’re Addicted To Reading

Lara Parker BuzzFeed Staff

1. When you’re engrossed in a novel, you will always tell yourself, “Just one more chapter.”

2. You will begin laughing randomly when you remember a funny moment from the book you were reading.

People won’t get it. And they don’t NEED to.

3. The book will ALWAYS be better than the movie.

4. You will read your favorite books over and over again.

Because they somehow get better every single time.

5. When you’re reading before bed, you keep reading, because you can sleep when you’re dead.

6. Most of your paycheck will go toward books.

The rest will go to, you know, staying alive.

7. You will turn down plans on the weekend because you have a date.

…With your books.

8. You will join various book clubs just to talk about books as much as you can.

9. You will show up to work on Monday hungover.

Then you’ll walk in and buy some anyway. Because, obviously.

10. You will walk by a book store and tell yourself you have enough books.

:: passes out ::

12. You will be incredibly sad or elated based on what is happening in the plot of your book.

Warner Bros. Pictures

“I CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS.” — Everyone when Dobby died.

13. You will spend a ridiculous amount of time browsing Goodreads.

14. Your books will be your #1 priority.

 

Brittney McWhorter @Heybrittknee

Just spilled water on my book and phone while I was walking... I was more worried about my book. #addictedtoreading #books

 

15. You will start using slang and lingo from your books in daily conversation.

And people won’t get it.

16. Your ideal vacation will be you, reading, uninterrupted.

17. Your books will be turned into tables and shelves, because you have so many.

And can’t get rid of a single one.

18. And when the book you were reading ends, so does your life.

…Until you start the next one.

Never Underestimate Young Readers

  by Kathy Sant

We often hear how students today don’t know literature or history, or that they lag behind kids in other countries in the most crucial areas of math, science, and engineering. Culture is often blamed. Movies and TV shows promote violence and drug culture and advertising commercializes and sexualizes the youth. Video games and movies often glamorize unsavory heroes. Kids today live in a celebrity culture, where intellect isn’t appreciated and everything is dumbed down, numbing young minds instead of expanding them. Some schools barely keep kids in the classroom. Our society is not encouraging children to utilize the full potential they were born with.

We must constantly strive to reach these kids and give them books they’ll enjoy while stretching their minds and imaginations.

As readers and writers for young people, the Emblazoners know teens are readers and fully capable of understanding rich and complex stories that thrill and teach and inspire. We know what books we read and enjoyed in our youth and we want to reach today’s kids before they give up on learning.

Lynn Kelley and I, writing as BBH McChiller, have decided that when we write our Monster Moon series of books for 7- to 12 year-olds, where we create a fictional world full of fictional characters with fictional problems, that we will always drop in a dabbling of real history or geography, real science, real literature, actual occupations, folklore, and mythology, anything that adds truth and depth to the story.

This exposes kids to the real world in a subtle and unobtrusive way. As a simple example, our pirate rat character often bemoans the plight of his species Rattus rattus, and while kids sympathize with him they are learning the scientific nomenclature for the rat species. Similarly, we have Macbeth being quoted at a Monster Ball. Kids are smart and capable, so why not give them an awareness of history and science and literature in addition to a fun read.

Last month I had the opportunity to be a Grand Award Judge at Intel’s International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF) in Los Angeles, and I saw firsthand the intelligence and amazing abilities of young people, but also, the worldwide competition with whom they’ll have to compete.

Intel’s ISEF is the world’s largest science and engineering fair where millions of dollars are awarded to students, mainly high schoolers, ranging in age from 13 to 18. Over seven and a half million students from all over the world began on this journey by competing in local, regional, school, state or sponsored fairs, and the top winners/finalists were invited to compete at ISEF for the largest awards given to young people.

The 1,700 finalists came from 70 countries and were the best of the best. Their projects would compare with any college or graduate level research endeavor. Several top category winners were just 13 to 15 years old.

The Grand Award winner was a 15-year-old boy from Boston, MA who worked on his project at home combining science, math, and computer learning.

He wrote a computer learning program teaching the computer to calculate the relative deleterious effects of various cancer cell gene mutations, all in his spare time. These students certainly gave me hope for the future of the world.

This year’s top winners were from Malaysia, Germany and United States.
(Photo – Courtesy of ISEF)

These outstanding kids got their interest in science, nature, mathematics, computers, etc. from somewhere. They had already attained this interest and drive before they went to high school. Maybe it was from reading.

Interestingly, I noticed that many of the competitors were reading fictional books in their spare minutes. Or, maybe they got their interests from museums or travels. Somewhere they developed an ability to think about the world around them, to question how things work, to see problems and imagine solutions.

We work hard to write books that kids will enjoy and maybe we’ll inspire some readers to become writers or poets. Maybe we’ll write something that while fun to read, also inspires future historians, archeologists, engineers, mathematicians, cancer researchers, physicians, veterinarians, astronauts, and inventors.

Within the context of our novels, we can certainly encourage a zest for learning and for understanding the world around us. It’s easy to tuck interesting nuggets into a story, details that readers will enjoy and remember. Maybe we’ll even trigger that spark of curiosity, and they’ll want to learn more about some factoid we’ve woven into the tale. Maybe they’ll even want to read a nonfiction book on the subject. We can give readers an idea how they can solve a problem or change the world. Books can do that. We should challenge young readers’ minds. They can handle it.

Do you write historical or scientific facts into your stories beyond what the setting requires? Do you think it’s hard to do if it doesn’t directly pertain to the story?

Kathryn Sant

Kathryn Sant is a retired obstetrician who has witnessed the births of thousands of future readers. She has published a middle-grade novel, Desert Chase (Scholastic), and under the pseudonym BBH McChiller she is a co-author of the fun, spooky Monster Moon mystery series. Curse at Zala Manor is the first book in the series, Secret of Haunted Bog is the second title, and the upcoming Legend of Monster Island will be the third. She is currently working on two middle-grade boys’ adventure novels and the next Monster Moon book.

Her interest in adventure, research, and genealogy has led to a love of world travel, exotic adventures, and museums of all kinds. But she also enjoys quiet evenings reading with her dogs at her side.

Required Summer Reading

Your Local Brick & Mortar Bookstore Is A Privilege

By Kelly Jensen

Last week, I went on a trip to Toronto to see a friend. When we were hashing out details for how to spend our time together, she asked if there was anything specific I wanted to do.

I mentioned I’d like to go to a bookstore.

We hit up two in the downtown area, both Chapters. The first we went to at John and Richmond is slated to close at the end of the month, and nearly all of the books were on markdown. The first floor was empty of shelves and instead, full of boxes of books to sift through. Fortunately, we found the third floor of the store to still have a nice selection of books to peruse on shelf.

The second store we went to was the Chapters at Eaton Centre, a store with a particularly impressive selection of Young Adult titles. Between the two stores, we spent nearly three hours browsing. Books were purchased at each location.

While it may seem strange to desire spending time at a chain bookstore while on a trip, for me, getting to a brick and mortar bookstore is a rare opportunity. I live in a book desert. My town of roughly 10,000 people is fairly rural, and while we’re a half-hour’s drive from two 40,000+ towns, neither of those towns has a thriving local independent bookstore. I moved here from Austin, Texas, where I had the privilege of going to Book People any time I wanted to.

The nearest Barnes & Noble is an hour drive each way from where I live, and it is one of the most underwhelming Barnes & Noble stores I’ve been to. It’s great if you want a copy of John Grisham or John Green’s books. It’s less great if you want just about anything else. I can pick up those same books at my in-town big box retailer, which serves as our local bookstore. It, along with the Goodwill, are the only places in town to buy books.

Only one of those stores sells new books.

While I was out of town, the news of the recent business issues between Amazon and Hachette popped up. Amazon’s move has involved removing pre-order options for forthcoming titles, and it’s holding back on sending titles for weeks to those eager to have them. This is a shitty set-up on all sides: it sucks for readers who can’t get these books now through Amazon, and it sucks for authors facing a stop sign at a major avenue for book sales. By no means does Amazon’s halting of sales mean these books are impossible to get. It just means Amazon is not the place to make your pre-orders or the place to make your purchases if you want these books as soon as possible.

As this story has spread and word has gotten out, I have read so many pleas on social media that in order to be a good consumer — in order to “do the right thing” — you should get out to your local indies and pre-order or purchase these books. You want to make change happen? Then get yourself to the store and show your commitment with your dollars. You are how change happens. Show up to the store and prove you mean what you say.

It’s a great and noble plea, but it comes from a very privileged place.

Not all readers have access to brick and mortar stores. Not all readers have the capability to walk to their local indie or their local Barnes & Noble or their local Books A Million or their local Chapters and buy books in person. Not all readers have the ability to get in a car, fill up their gas tanks, and spend an hour driving each way to a store. Not everyone lives in a great city, not everyone lives near a great city, and not every great city is a great city for bookstores. We aren’t just talking about “flyover country” here, the big swath of land people hate having to sit through while on the airplane going from one coast to the other. There are book deserts all over the place, including major metropolitan areas.

My town used to have a used bookstore in our small downtown. It was one of the things I loved about this place: a cozy building with a gorgeous tin ceiling, books packing the place from wall to wall, and a pair of friendly cats who loved to be carried around by customers.

It didn’t carry a lot of things I wanted, almost no YA books or children’s books, and it had very little fiction, but I always tried to buy something. I went one afternoon with a friend a couple years ago because we both have a love for vintage cookbooks, and we were eager to spend a few hours flipping through the store’s collection. We settled in, pulling out some real gems, perusing them, sorting them into “to buy” and “to reshelve” piles.

While we were there, the owner was on the phone. He was unhappy, telling the person on the other end of the line that stores like his have no chance because “young people” just aren’t buying books. That “young people” are going to be the reason his store closed. That “young people” just don’t appreciate what he’s doing. “Young people” were ruining his business.

My friend and I put all of the books back and left the store. It was clear we — “young people” — weren’t welcomed there.

The store is gone now. There’s a thriving gun shop that just opened up in the empty building next door.

Bookstores are a privilege. They’re not accessible to everyone, and when they are accessible, they’re not always worth it. Why would I or anyone else want to spend time in a shop where my presence isn’t welcomed?

I would love to spend more time in stores, browsing shelves, picking up unexpected titles, spending money where my money might make a difference.

But I can’t.

And while I have the ability to travel and go to bookstores when I travel, and while I have the ability to get in my car and drive to a decent indie that appreciates all readers, I have those abilities because I’m privileged enough to have an income that supports having a vehicle, the time in which to make these trips, and purchases of books for pleasure reading. I’m an exception.

It’s upsetting and frustrating to see people regularly talk about the importance of buying your books in a bookstore. What about young readers — perhaps teenagers who don’t have expendable incomes — who simply do not have the means of transporting themselves to a store? You aren’t better than me or any other reader who doesn’t have that kind of access because you went into a store to do your shopping.

It’s equally as upsetting to see people disparage those readers who spend their hard-earned cash at online outlets — Amazon, especially — to buy books. Even though you’re buying books, you face judgment for having made your purchase through Amazon. It doesn’t matter your reason.

Readers without access and readers who prefer the ease and flexibility of shopping through Amazon or through any other online retailer are not the enemy. I absolutely support and actively purchase my books through a variety of online retailers. I don’t remain exclusive to Amazon and advocate all readers diversify their online purchasing by also buying from Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, Chapters, Books A Million, and so on and so forth.

However, you’re not a better person because you can do all your purchasing at your local store.

We don’t judge people because they chose to purchase regular bananas over the organic bananas. We don’t judge people because they drive non-electric cars. So why do we keep judging readers who don’t have the privilege of buying their books from a brick and mortar store?

7 Habits of Highly Effective Readers

 

This is a guest post by Jessica Woodbury. Her professional life has taken her to prisons, classrooms, strip clubs, and her living room couch. Jessica is a lapsed lawyer who now spends too much time oversharing on the internet. She’s a single mom to 2 small children living in the Northeast. She has a soft spot for crime novels and unreliable narrators. Follow her on Twitter @jessicaesquire.

_________________________

People often say to me, “I don’t know how you make time to read.” I admit, it takes a lot more effort than it used to now that I have a full-time job, two young children, some gigs on the side, and a busy social calendar. But if you love books, you find time.

Still, people seem to find it legitimately mysterious that I can plow through several books a month and even throw in a couple ambitious reads a year. (Right now, Sister Carrie.) So I thought I’d share a few simple tips to be a truly dedicated reader even if you have a crazy schedule.

1) Read before bed. Every night. Screens are bad for you anyway, and the ritual of laying in bed and reading a book is really calming for me. I often read for 30 to 45 minutes in a single night if the book is good and I’m not too tired.

2) Read during your commute. If you drive or walk, audiobooks are great and they probably have hundreds at your local library so you can get them on the cheap. If you take public transit, keep a book or e-reader in your bag. Sure, you may only get a little bit in here and there, but it adds up. Sister Carrie has really short chapters, I can almost always finish one on the train.

3) Read at lunch. In my first real job, every day at noon I’d close the door of my tiny, window-less office, pull out my sad little sandwich, sit in a chair, put my feet up, and read. Those quiet moments where the entire world disappeared made lunch a truly lovely thing. These days, like a lot of people, I often work through lunch, but when I can, I try and take 20 or 30 minutes with a book. Since my building doesn’t have a lot of space to eat and I no longer have an office, I tend to eat early or late to avoid the rush and get a little peace.

4) Read in bed on sleep-in days. Nothing makes a lazy day like staying in your bed for an extra hour or two reading a book. And if you were reading before bed it’ll be right there waiting for you. Sometimes I read for an hour and then go back to sleep, it’s ridiculously decadent.

5) Take a break from television. Maybe you’ve been binge-watching a lot. Maybe you keep hours of shows saved up on your DVR. When I dial back tv, I have a little more time with books and it’s time I enjoy a lot more than an hour of Scandal. Don’t get me wrong, I love some bad shows to just let my brain turn off, but it can get habit forming. If you find you’re multitasking when you’re watching television, then it’s definitely time to think about this. A book won’t let you multitask, and it feels pretty nice to let your brain really wrap itself around one thing.

6) Give yourself access to books. This may mean you get an e-reader or a library card. Or that you pop in to your local bookstore once or twice a month to browse. If you already have more books than you know what to do with, take them to your local used book store to trade or set up a book swap with your friends.

7) Get social with your reads. Join a book club. Join Goodreads or Riffle or another reading social network. Start following some book blogs or podcasts. Ask your friends what they’ve read lately. Hearing about something from a friend and being able to quickly add it to a “To Read” list does wonders to make sure there’s always something new on the horizon. This also lets you keep track of what you read and recommend books to other people, which can add an extra level of enjoyment to the whole process.

These may seem like the kind of habits that take a lot of commitment, but they really don’t. If you make reading a habit, the kind of thing you incorporate into your day even if it’s just a little bit here or there, none of these things will seem hard. They’ll seem more like second nature. And that’s what makes you a real reader.

Kids Summer Reading Contest

Posted on May 19, 2014 by Michelle Isenhoff

Before school ends, we are trying to let as many teachers, parents, kids, and librarians know that Emblazon sponsoring a reading contest for kids ages 9-14 this summer.

It's a great opportunity to keep kids reading during the summer months.

Emblazon is hosting a kids’ summer reading contest! You can find the official rules on our contest page, but here are the basics:

The contest is for kids ages 9 to 14 at the start of the contest.

• It runs from June 15 until August 15.
• Every tween book read qualifies as an entry (that’d be middle grade or young adult–and not just our books–they all count!).
• We’ll be drawing winners August 18.
• Three winners will receive their choice of 5 signed paperbacks (see the contest page for choices) as well as a duplicate set for their most recent teacher.
• To enter, send an email to misenhoff@hotmail.com with your name, the name of the book read, and a brief review (a summary of the book and why you liked it or not). Reviews should be 75 to 100 words in length. We might even publish some on our blog! But we won’t use last names. Repeat for every book read. There’s no limit!

This is a super opportunity to get kids reading this summer. If you know kids, parents, teachers, or librarians who might be interested, please help us spread the word. Thanks a bunch…and good luck!!

Why do we Abandon Reading Certain Books?

There are many books we all intend on reading someday and even go out of our way to buy, in the hopes we might read them.

Sometimes they are a classic like Catch 22, War and Peace or The Republic. In other cases its published recently and we hear about it in the media, such as 50 Shades of Grey, The Casual Vacancy or the Goldfinch.

What makes us abandon books after a few pages or never quite get into it?

Social Media website GoodReads recently published a piece on the psychology of abandonment. Their research found that Catch-22, Lord of the Rings, Ulysses, Moby-Dick, and Atlas Shrugged were the top abandoned books.

The top five most abandoned contemporary books included J. K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy, Fifty Shades of Grey, and Eat Pray Love. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Wicked” were also frequently discarded.

Why do we abandon books after a few pages or get back to them years later?

Does the average person really read everything a specific author writes, or just stay locked into their favorite genres?

A number of people weighed in on the subject:

“I adore the Harry Potter books, but I’m not the kind who would read everything written by a favourite author and in the case of Rowling, I refuse to read her other novels (excluding the three Harry Potter companion books), The Casual Vacancy and The Cuckoo’s Calling.”

Another user weighed in and mentioned “I read for pleasure and to escape the real world, and not to better myself. I’d become a better person by reading those serious tomes, I know, but since I haven’t read them, I’m not a better person, and thus won’t read them.” :)

Xanthe contributed his thoughts “There are a lot of books that I can’t finish, mainly books with :

• heroines who are too stupid to live (or too annoying to be around) or 

• heroes who are totally scarred by the deaths of their partners for which they blame themselves.

• books about middle-aged women whose husbands have divorced them unexpectedly and now find love with a younger man. 

• poor Irish maidservants at the turn of the 20th century who become matriarchs of a dysfunctional clan. 

• mysteries in which whodunit is telegraphed by easy process of elimination. 

• books in which a whole chapter is devoted to a sex scene for no plot-driven purpose (I’m looking at you, Laurell K. Hamilton). 

• “important” books that are supposed to make me reflect upon the human condition by portraying lives of people that I wouldn’t like if I knew them in real life. 

• books that are so excessively footnoted to the point that the author has managed to destroy any interest that I might have had in the topic because the rhythm of the books is constantly broken up by them.”

When the Children Read Fantasy

Terry Pratchett (1994)

 
There's a feeling that I think it's only possible to get when you're a child and discover books. It's a kind of fizz. You want to read everything that's in print before it evaporates.

I had to draw my own map through this uncharted territory. The message from the management was that, yes, books were a good idea, but I don't actually recall anyone advising me in any way. I was left to my own devices.

I'm now becoming perceived as a young people's writer. Teachers and librarians say, "Your books are really popular among children who don't read." I think this is a compliment; I just wish they'd put it another way.

The aforesaid school librarians tell me that what the children read for fun, what they'll actually spend their money on, are fantasy, science fiction and horror and, while they offer up a prayer of thanks that the kids are reading anything in this electronic age, this worries them.

It shouldn't.

Not long ago I talked to a teacher who, having invited me to talk at her school, was having a bit of trouble with the head teacher who thought that fantasy was morally suspect, irrelevant to the world of the nineties, and escapist.

Morally suspect? Shorn of its trappings, most fantasy would find approval in a Victorian household. The morality of fantasy and horror is, by and large, the strict morality of the fairy tale. The vampire is slain, the alien is blown out of the airlock, the evil Dark Lord is vanquished and, perhaps at some loss, the Good triumph -- not because they are better armed, but because Providence is on their side. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there also be Hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain.

Classical written fantasy might introduce children to the occult, but in a healthier way than might otherwise be the case in our strange society. If you're told about vampires, it's a good thing to be told about stakes at the same time.

As for escapism, I'm quite happy about the word. There's nothing wrong with escapism. The key points of consideration, though, are what you're escaping from, and where you're escaping to.

As a suddenly thirsting reader I escaped first of all to what was then called Outer Space. I read a lot of SF, which as I have said is only a 20th century subset of fantasy. And a lot of it was, in strict literary terms, rubbish. But the human mind has a healthy natural tendency to winnow out the good stuff from the rubbish. As far as I am concerned, escapist literature let me escape to the real world.

Irrelevant? I first came across any mention of Ancient Greek civilisation in a fantasy book. But in the fifties most schools taught history like this: there were the Romans who had a lot of baths and built some roads and left. Then there was a lot of undignified pushing and shoving until the Normans arrived, and history officially began.

We did science -- in a way. Yuri Gagarin was spinning around above our heads. I don't recall anyone at school ever mentioning the fact. I don't even remember anyone telling us that science was not, as we might have been led to believe, all that messing around with chemicals and magnets, but rather a way of looking at the Universe.

SF looked at the Universe all the time. I make no apology for having enjoyed it. We live in an SF world. Two miles down there you'd fry and two miles up there you'd gasp for breath, and there's a small but, given the consequences to us, significant chance that in the next thousand years a large comet of asteroid will smack into the planet. I'm not making it up. I don't lose sleep worrying about it. But finding this out when you're 13 or so is a bit of an eye opener. It puts acne in its place, for a start.

Them other worlds out there in space got me interested in this one down here. It is a small mental step from time-travel to paleontology, from sword 'n' sorcery fantasy to mythology and ancient history. Truth is stranger than fiction; nothing in fantasy enthralled me as much as reading of the evolution of humankind from proto-blob to newt, reptile, tree shrew, Oxbridge arts graduate, and eventually to tool-using mammal. I first came across words like 'ecologist' and 'overpopulation' in SF books in the late fifities and early sixties, long before they'd become fashionable.

I also came across the word 'neoteny', which means 'remaining young'. It's something which we as humans have developed into a survival trait. Other animals, when they are young, have a curiosity about the World, a flexibility of response, and an ability to play which they lose as they grow up. As a species we have retained these. As a species, we are forever sticking our fingers into the electric socket of the Universe to see what'll happen next. It's a trait that'll either save us or kill us, but by god it's what makes us human beings. I'd rather be in the company of people who look at Mars than people who contemplate humanity's navel -- other worlds are better than fluff.

So let's not get frightened when the children read fantasy. It's the compost for a healthy mind. It stimulates the inquisitive nodes, and there is some evidence that a rich internal fantasy life is as good and necessary for a child as healthy soil is for a plant, for much the same reasons.

Here's to fantasy as the proper diet for the growing soul. All human life is there -- a moral code, a sense of order and, sometimes, great big green things with teeth. There are other books to read and I hope children who start with fantasy go on to read them. I did. But everyone has to start somewhere.
One of the great popular novelists of the early part of

this century was G.K. Chesterton. Writing at a time when fairy tales were under attack for pretty much the same reason as books can now be covertly banned in some schools because they have the word 'witch' in the title, he said: "The objection to fairy stories is that they tell children there are dragons. But children have always known there are dragons. Fairy stories tell children that dragons can be killed."

Born: April 28, 1948 (age 65), Beaconsfield, United Kingd

Spouse: Lyn Pratchett (m. 1968

Movies: The Colour of Magic, Johnny and the Dead, Troll Bridge

TV shows: The Colour of Magic, Going Postal, More

Children: Rhianna Pratchett

BooksMore Guards! Guards!

1989

The Colour of Magic

1983

The Science of Discworld

1999

The Wee Free Men

2003

The Amazing Maurice a...

2001

Reading Isolates Readers. That’s the Point.

Matthew Graybosch 

I found an article by Scott Timberg on Al Jazeera America on Friday that has nagged at me all weekend. This article, given the trolling and SEO-friendly headline “Is Reading Too Much Bad for Kids?”, is surely a sign from some god with a malign sense of humor that I have seen everything. The subhead argues, “Clinging to print can isolate kids and alienate them from the digital world of multitasking.”

In fairness to the author, he starts by expressing pride in his seven-year-old son who is growing up to be a fine young bookworm who has to be forbidden from bringing “Encyclopedia Brown” to the dinner table. However, Timberg suggests his boy is growing up in the wrong country and in the wrong century as he writes:

Our concern is whether he will find some other kid who shares his enthusiasm. So far, he hasn’t.

Furthermore, he concludes his article with the following:

On reflection, I realize it’s not my son, or Boog’s daughter, who needs to change: The culture they’re growing up into has lost its sense of what matters. But parenting is not just about preparing kids for careers; it’s about asserting values, and serious reading may be what my family has instead of a religious or ethnic identity. If my son’s peers, or the culture at large, find another god to worship, it will be their loss.

Though I’m not a parent myself, I can approve this sentiment. It’s certainly much better than anything the New Republic offers in articles like “Why Reading Isn’t Always Good for You” by Leo Robson. Robson quotes John Carey, who writes in The Unexpected Professor that “…living your truest life in books may deaden the real world for you as well as enliven it.”

Robson describes Carey’s autobiography as “a glories-of-reading memoir that doubles as an anti-reading memoir”, and argues that reading — especially reading literature enshrined in the Western Canon — does not make one smarter, wiser, more moral, or in general a better human being.

No doubt Robson thinks his argument matters, and it might to people who stand to gain from the further destruction of reading for pleasure — not self-improvement or learning, but for the sheer unholy joyous pleasure of reading — as a pastime for the average American.

It doesn’t matter to me. I will continue to read for pleasure, and I will read whatever I damned well please. There’s nothing you can do to stop me. You can offer no argument capable of dissuading me from reading.

Reading Precludes Multitasking

This seems to be the argument du jour. Digital utopians like to argue that clinging to print media, or long texts like novels, makes it impossible for people to learn to multitask — a skill allegedly key to success in the modern digital environment.

The people who argue for human multitasking aren’t programmers. If they were, they’d damned well know better. They would understand that humans are no better at multitasking than single-processor computers. At most, humans are capable of task-switching, and it takes so much longer for people to do it than it does for computers that task switching is best left to computers.

Computers create the illusion of multitasking by flitting between processes thousands of times a second. We can’t do that, but we can focus on a single task that genuinely matters and dig deep. A lifelong habit of reading can help further develop that skill.

Reading Isolates Children From Their Peers

Yes, being a bookworm does tend to isolate children from non-readers their age. However, I don’t blame reading for this isolation. I blame the parents. At risk of delivering a proclamation from all kinds of privilege, to say nothing of being utterly self-serving because I am a novelist, I have the following to say on the subject of raising children who don’t read and don’t value reading:

If your children reach adulthood, and do not read for pleasure, I blame you. Not the public schools, not the anti-intellectual American culture, but you. You are not only a bad parent, but a bad citizen of modern Western civilization, and a lousy human being.

By raising children who don’t take pleasure in reading, you not only deprive your own children, but you given them an excuse to see children who enjoy reading as “different” from them and therefore fair game for bullying.

If you find this objectionable, I suggest you direct your objections to somebody who cares. Start with your gods, if you have any.

Readers are Antisocial

This is one of my favorites, as it has often been applied to me. Nor am I the only one who has been treated to this idiocy. I suspect this objection comes mainly from extroverted people and is aimed at introverted people who “hide behind books” because it isn’t as objectionable a method for dealing with intrusive strangers as violence.

Let’s clear up a little misconception, shall we? Pay attention, because there will be a test on this subject. Your identity is irrelevant. Your reasons for wanting another person’s attention is irrelevant. You are not entitled to another person’s attention.

If somebody is sitting quietly and reading, and you bother them, you aren’t being sociable. You aren’t being friendly. You aren’t being nice. If you bother people who aren’t bothering you, you’re an asshole. You’re the one being anti-social, by making society unpleasant for other people.

Reading Doesn’t Make You a Better Person

I can answer this point in three words: No shit, Sherlock! I would be the last person to claim that reading has made me a more moral person. Nor will I claim that reading has made me more empathetic and humane. I won’t even suggest that reading has made me better-informed.

Each of these claims is a gross oversimplification of the truth. Not only is reading fundamental, but one must also read the right books, learn from them, and apply this knowledge to daily life. You won’t become a Stoic by simply reading the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. You must also live in accordance with the book’s teachings and make the author’s philosophy your own.

Readers are Isolated from Mainstream Culture

Here’s another one I sometimes hear, mainly from people who mistake what they like for mainstream culture. I know better. I know books aren’t part of mainstream American culture, and haven’t been for a long time. The same goes for everything else I like. That doesn’t bother me.

However, some people manage to navigate daily life while retaining a sense of entitlement permitting them to feel justified in suggesting there’s something wrong with me because I don’t like everything they like. To think I might display such effrontery!

To those who can’t grasp the idea that their cultural preferences are anything but universal, here’s a newsflash: The United States alone has a population of almost 350 million people as of the 2010 census, and that population is sprawled across a continent. Despite the best efforts of a corporate media machine controlled by an ever-shrinking proportion of the population, there is no such thing as a single mainstream American culture.

If you yearn for a golden age where everybody lives the same way you do, you have no business accusing me or any other bookworm of being isolated from the mainstream. Nor do you have any right to accuse people like me of living in a fantasy world.

Expect No Apology

If after reading this monstrosity of a post you still expect me to apologize for being a reader, I suggest you seek help from a qualified mental health professional. Do I realize that preferring books to most people makes me weird, selfish, and misanthropic? Yes. What makes you think I give a damn?

Here’s the deal: if you want me to care more about you than I care about my reading, be a person worth caring about. Have something interesting to say. Have something to offer. Try reading a book once in a while, preferably one I wrote.

But never expect me or any other reader to apologize for loving the words some people write more than most people. You’ll get better results by expecting ice to be warm and fire to be cold.