The Romance of Writing and the Arabica Bean by Ruth Bainbridge

GUEST POST

If an army travels on its stomach, then a writer surely creates by the ingestion of caffeine. It’s a century’s old tradition, one I gladly carry on. It’s a little known ritual, and one that is “steeped” in secrecy and lore. 

Legend has it that the very first book was written after an arabica bean was unwittingly dropped into hot water. The mixture was targeted to be dumped out, but a clever cat had a go at, lapping it up with impunity. The resulting hijinks convinced his owner to try the strange brew. Before the man knew, a mental clarity descended, prompting him to try his hand at concocting a tale. While he’d never done such a thing before, he found the words came quite easily after several swallows of the magical infusion. His name? Blarney. 

I’m on firm “grounds” in revealing that coffee is a writer’s weapon of choice. The secret was revealed by the big blabbermouth Honore de Balzac. The first recorded incident of a male getting in touch with his feminine side, the 19th century French author decided to share the pain of his addiction in “The Pleasure and Pains of Coffee.” And he should know since he was reputed to have guzzled over 40 cups per day. He wrote that coffee “brutalizes these beautiful stomach linings as a wagon master abuses ponies; the plexus becomes inflamed; sparks shoot all the way up to the brain. From that moment on, everything becomes agitated. Ideas quick-march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages. Memories charge in, bright flags on high; the cavalry of metaphor deploys with a magnificent gallop; the artillery of logic rushes up with clattering wagons and cartridges; on imagination’s orders, sharpshooters sight and fire; forms and shapes and characters rear up; the paper is spread with ink – for the nightly labor begins and ends with torrents of this black water, as a battle opens and concludes with black powder.” 

If someone you know pens words like these, trust me, they’re on a coffee high. Example? 

Me without caffeine in my system: He woke up. He looked in the sky. There was a sunrise. 

Me after downing a mug or two or three: The brilliance of the morning held Bailey captive in the promise of a new day. Streams of gold kissed the sleeping fields of green as a cloud drifted by. There was always a cloud; always something to forget. 

Not convinced? Scattered in this blog, are some pictures of some pretty famous authors caught indulging. There’s Jack Kerouac hauling back a few with Larry Rivers, David Amram, Allen Ginsberg, and Gregory at a coffee shop. And how about the stalwart Ernest Hemingway getting his caffeine on? And why, oh, why, would a proper English lady like Agatha Christie be writing about Black Coffee if not under its spell? 

Now that the case is proven, here’s a chart that Italian illustrator Gianluca Biscalchin created. He used his considerable imagination to depict the types of coffees famous writers would drink— and most likely did/do. If you’re wondering about me, mine would have something to do with a credit card and the word, “overdrawn”. 

In a brilliant new twist worthy of Dashiell Hammett, coffee now provides authors with an activity to while away the hours our muse goes missing. You know the famous quotation about one set of footsteps in the sand being the time God carried you? Well, in the case of muses, one set of footprints is when you’re left on your own because she went line dancing. But no longer do writers have to sit in misery. We can now draw in the foam, churning out masterpieces. 

So to any new writers out there, my first bit of advice is to invest in a good coffee maker. No, I don’t mean a spouse, although it is lovely when a partner turns out to excel at brewing dark roast to your liking. I’m talking Melitta or Keurig and anything else that floats your boat. 

May the beans be with you! Here’s wishing you good luck in your adventure.