My front door opened with a loud creak, but my mother didn’t stir. She lay on our faded, torn couch in the fetal position, her arms wrapped around her stomach. By the way she creased her brow and groaned, her sleep seemed uneasy. She must have stayed up as long as possible after hearing the news.
She wasn’t a fighter anymore and, with no useful ability, she would not be called on to help with the search. I pulled the blue and grey blanket from her bed and draped it over her. She twitched slightly, but didn’t wake.
Tomorrow, she would ask so many questions and I didn’t look forward to answering them.
I shut the door to my tiny bedroom and lay down. Pyke had once told me my bed was lumpy and my pillow was thin, but I had never noticed. I stared at the ceiling, a mix of wood and metal. I didn’t feel tired. I didn’t feel anything.
It was like there was a gaping hole inside me, numb to everything.
I wondered what Kyra was doing. Was she sleeping? Still being looked after by the healers? Was she helping out?
If she could have it her way, she’d be fighting Blooders with the Guardjinn. The power coming from her tonight was so strong and so dangerous. I saw my own hatred reflected in her eyes as she killed mercilessly and it alarmed me.
I pulled off my suit and threw it on the floor, not clothes anymore but a collection of shredded material. I lay back, took a deep breath and allowed my ability to deactivate. The cold hit me straight away. It seeped into my skin, all the way to my bones. My limbs quivered and I pulled my blanket around my shoulders, huddled in a ball.
I still wasn’t completely used to feeling things. The small cuts on my skin stung slightly and my muscles ached as I trembled. What hurt the most though wasn’t the physical but the emotional.
Pyke was dead.
My best friend had been killed before my eyes. I had failed to protect Mia from the pain of the truth. And Kyra …
I wished I could wrap my arms around her for warmth and comfort. I wished I could lie there with her, breathing in the scent of cinnamon and apples. I wanted her and yet I told her we couldn’t be together. It was true, of course. I knew what would happen to me now Ivan had seen us together.
She was naive to think we would be accepted. I’d seen it before, what happened when a Guardjinn and a Djinn went public. It didn’t end well, especially for the Guardjinn.
I knew the facts, I knew the consequences. Yet I longed for her touch. I couldn’t have it both ways. Be the loyal Guardjinn I had trained my whole life to become or love a Djinn betraying everything I believed in. I couldn’t have both and even though the choice seemed obvious I couldn’t make a decision.
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